Monday, June 20, 2011
Without getting into it, you see men and women once risked close to the same "amount" of what have you. Feelings, wealth, happiness, etc.. It wasn't perfectly even - men might've had a little bit more money and are considered sexier later into life, etc. But it was ultimately the same. Men didn't leave their "aging" wives in droves - they stay married. Women didn't leave their men in droves either because - why would you want to? The other men out there are essentially much like your husband and being divorced will give you an added stigma as well as less money. Might as well stay put and work on your marriage.
With the advent of radical, extremist, man-hating-psychos-sponsored divorce laws, men become TOTALLY expendable. Marry one, or don't, breed with him and you own him. You bought him, he's yours. Dump him and blow him out for his house and everything he's ever made PLUS 50% of what HE WILL MAKE IN THE FUTURE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE (child support + alimony), and go shopping for another. Hell, you could just run through the men with divorce after divorce and get steady income stream after steady income stream - its like franchising. This is the truth, this is reality, this is the state of marriage and divorce.
Men have finally BEGUN to wake up. Over half of marriages end in divorce and anything you have will be hers, more or less, leaving you LITTLE TO NOTHING to offer your next girlfriend or wife, so men have become effectively disenfranchised from the marriage institution. Why? For the simple fact they have everything to lose and little to gain. Their wives are not really "required" or expected, from a legal or societal point of view to cook, clean, or even to stay in shape. They may have as many kids as they want, work as long as they want, never touch their husband, then divorce him at their leisure - it does not matter IF women will really do this, it matters that THEY CAN do this, and some have. I would say more than "some." Men have done the math and realized, marriage is simply not in their best interests.
One man has written this all down - his name is Carl Weisman and his book is called "Why men avoid marriage." It is simply a long version of what I have written above. Men like women, would rather like to get married, but all in all are simply terrified of a bad marriage. A bad marriage renders them penniless, alone, barely able to "visit" any children they may have had and may very well plop them in their parents' home, for want of being able to afford even their own residence. Yes, this is true, look it up. What I am describing is a veritable nightmare for most men. And its happening. To all men? No. To enough of men? Yes. How do I know its happening to "enough" men? Because men talk to their friends. And they hear the stories of bad divorces. Divorces they did not want or deserve. Men divorced by cheating wives, "unhappy" wives that are better described as spoiled, sulking children, by silent, stoic, anxiety-riddled wives who refuse therapy, but kept their divorce lawyer on speed dial, by frolicking, tempestuous, flirtatious wives, who "upgraded" to a wealthier man, by ordinary women who simply hit a rough patch in their marriage and decided they would start over with someone t.v. commercials promised them would be "new and exciting." Regardless of the reasons, men are not guaranteed fair treatment in divorced. Broadly speaking women are treated as handicapped children who are being abandoned and men are treated as wealthy, philandering tight-wads who are sure to starve their own children without the threat of jail. In essence, men are presumed to be guilty.... of something, the moment they walk into family court. And then they are bankrupted. I wish I was exaggerating - I am not. Not even a little. Again, ask around.
What do men do when they discover the TRUTH about what they are risking in marriage? They DON'T GET MARRIED. Period. Honestly... what took them so long!?!?!?
Single, lonely ladies.... there you have it. Stop donating to the National Organization for Women or else kindly shut the Hell up about being lonely and the lack of "real" men available.
Why men avoid marriage
Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.
"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
WHY IS THAT, DEAR READER!?!?!?!?
Ask any woman and you'll get the same answer: HE IS THE MAN, I AM THE WOMAN. HE ROMANCES ME, THEREFORE HE TAKES ME PLACES TO IMPRESS ME AND GODDAMMIT DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO "DODGE" THAT - MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO "COURT" WOMEN AND YOU CAN'T "GET OUT OF THAT," SO DON'T EVEN ASK.
Pointing out that she makes what many men make or more and that it is irresponsible of her to expect so much of her "equal partner" is a WASTE OF YOUR PRECIOUS BREATH. She doesn't want to be equals. Not unless its time to make money or have an apartment or car or buy shoes. During dating, women want to be a distant 2nd place. They want Prince Charming to open doors, pay bills, plan evenings, court, court, and lastly court. Impress them with money, thoughtfulness, gifts, trips, and generally act like Mr. Bigshot who thinks nothing is "too good" for her. Basically spoil her rotten (cough, like daddy?, cough).
And that's it. Women hate equality. Ask any man. At least when the check for dinner arrives. When she's shoe shopping, her money is her own and buying you gifts is just silly (don't you have your own money, Mr. Man?!?!?), and you ARE the one who is "supposed" to do the courting, so pick her up at 8 and don't be late, she hates to wait in line.
p.s. I have seen many ladies who picked up the check for dinner and bought me birthday and holiday presents. That said, day-to-day, they clearly DID NOT expect to pick up the bill for things and at times they did and were clearly uncomfortable about it; bear in mind these were otherwise kind, caring, generous people. I'm not calling women selfish. I'm calling them people who believe in a given role for each gender. A role that is as traditional as "traditional" can get. This is ironic and hysterical to me given the liberties women enjoy that they did not in the past (those are their "right" to have, ahem). In this way, women have made "progress" (what does that even mean, anyway?), while men have.... have.... well what have men done? They have gotten less and less and less and less so far as I can tell. And now young men are not even motivated to get married or court a woman. Let's all act surprised why.
Thursday, June 09, 2011
The author tries very hard to spin this entire article into an assault on women. Unfortunately its just a little overzealous advice from an extra conservative culture. Being a man's slave is a bit much. Having good sex with him (or trying to) and keeping up your end of things at home while he works all day for money for the family? Um, that's what most married couples do. The single women I know? They're pretty much DYING for that setup. Seriously. EXACTLY that setup. Good sex INCLUDED, and thanks for asking. I think they'll even let you call them submissive fools if it makes you happy. They're just looking for a good man with a job who will stay with them. They have friends who have both men and kids and these ladies are OUT FOR THE SAME. They just want to know what to do. And trust me when I tell you these young women ARE MOT-I-VATED. I know because they ask me 10 times a week what men want. They don't ask HOW TO BE SELFISH. They ask WHAT CAN I DO TO GET AND KEEP A MAN.
The info below is more or less good advice and women in the West that take it have an ABOVE AVERAGE shot of finding and keeping a man (just don't sleep around). Doing the opposite of what this article describes is the best recipe you can find for remaining alone for a VERY. LONG. TIME.
For some reason we all accept a man must work hard and make money. And if he doesn't, few people call him a man. But a woman who doesn't sleep with her husband or listen to him? She's still called a woman. Hell, she's called a wife in many instances. She can live at work and cook once a month and that's a-ok with everyone, especially the media, as wives in America have but one role: their career. Men don't marry women's careers. Men prize sex, affection, caring, and cooperation with domestic responsibilities. The women below appreciate that. Most Western women can't, don't and won't (mainly because they're told their career and personal happiness is more important and many believe it, even after they end up alone).
Between the Western nations and the eastern, more conservative ones, do you want to guess who has the 55% divorce rate? DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO ASK?!!?!??
BTW, I do NOT support polygamy. Although you do have to wonder how countries that even support that outrage STILL manage to have less divorce than we do, with our "better" ways.
Malaysia 'obedient wives' club: Good sex is a duty
In this picture taken Saturday, June 4, 2011, Malaysian Muslim Ishak Md Nor, second from right, 40, and his two wives, Aishah Abdul Ghafar, left, 40, and Afiratul Abidah Mohd Hanan, 25, who are members of the 'Obedient Wife Club,' pose with their children after the club's launch in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. A Malaysian Muslim group has launched the 'Obedient Wives Club' to teach women to be submissive and keep their spouses happy in the bedroom as a cure to social ills. In this picture taken Saturday, June 4, 2011, Malaysian Muslim Ishak Md Nor, second from right, 40, and his two wives, Aishah Abdul Ghafar, left, 40, and Afiratul Abidah Mohd Hanan, 25, who are members of the "Obedient Wife Club," pose with their children after the club's launch in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. A Malaysian Muslim group has launched the "Obedient Wives Club" to teach women to be submissive and keep their spouses happy in the bedroom as a cure to social ills. (AP Photo)
By Eileen Ng
RAWANG, Malaysia—As a new bride, 22-year-old Ummu Atirah believes she knows the secret to a blissful marriage: obey her husband and ensure he is sexually satisfied.
Ummu and some 800 other Muslim women in Malaysia are members of the "Obedient Wives Club" that is generating controversy in one of the most modern and progressive Muslim-majority nations, where many Muslim Malaysian women hold high posts in the government and corporate world.
The new club, launched Saturday, says it can cure social ills such as prostitution and divorce by teaching women to be submissive and keep their men happy in the bedroom.
"Islam compels us to be obedient to our husband. Whatever he says, I must follow. It is a sin if I don't obey and make him happy," said Ummu, who wore a yellow headscarf.
The club, founded by a fringe Islamic group known as Global Ikhwan, has been dismissed by politicians and activists as a throwback to Medieval times and an insult to modern women of Malaysia. But the group's activities, which previously included the setting up of a Polygamy Club, show that pockets of conservative Islamic ideas still thrive in Malaysia.
Groups such as Global Ikhwan are unlikely to gain much popularity beyond generating shock value. Still, there is concern that radical groups could garner support among other Muslims, who make up 60 percent of the 28 million population, and upset decades of carefully nurtured racial and religious harmony.
"Unfortunately even today, there are still many Muslim women who are ignorant of their rights or culturally inhibited to exercise their rights in full," said Shahrizat Abdul Jalil, a female Muslim minister in charge of family policy.
Despite the group's conservative Islamic background, Rohayah Mohamad, one of the founders of the club, openly talks about the virtues of marital sex even though most of her colleagues are shy about the topic.
"Sex is a taboo in Asian society. We have ignored it in our marriages but it's all down to sex. A good wife is a good sex worker to her husband. What is wrong with being a whore ... to your husband?" she said.
"This way, the family institution is protected and we can curb social ills," said Rohayah, the club's vice president who is also a trained physician.
She said wives must go beyond the traditional roles as good cooks or good mothers and learn to "obey, serve and entertain" their husbands to prevent them from straying or misbehaving.
Indirectly, "disobedient wives are the cause for upheaval in this world" because men are not happy at home and their minds and souls are disturbed, she said.
Authorities recently said Malaysia's divorce rate has doubled from 2002 to 2009 with higher rates among Malay Muslims.
"When husbands come home, wives do not welcome their husbands with warm alluring smiles and sexy dressing ... That is the reality today," she said.
The Global Ikhwan group is an offshoot of former members of the Al-Arqam sect outlawed in 1994 after its teachings were found to have deviated from Islam. It is funded by the group's restaurants, grocery stores, poultry and other businesses abroad.
Most of the 800 women who are members of the new club, including Ummu the new bride, also belong to Al-Arqam.
Expectedly, the club has faced intense criticism.
Some Malaysians started a Facebook page called "We do not want sexist nonsense from Global Ikhwan."
One Muslim man, Amirul Aftar, wrote: "I do not want a wife to submit to my every beck and call. I want a wife who understands me ... we are not your masters, we are your equal."
Women's group, Sisters in Islam, said Islam advocates marriages based on mutual cooperation and respect. It said domestic violence happens regardless of women's behavior.
"Communication, not submission, is vital to sustain any healthy relationship," it said.
© Copyright 2011 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Let me let you in on something. Even if he did cheat, its not OK to tear is car apart. Its called crazy land. And I suggest you don't visit. Its a crime to destroy someone's private property and its wildly intimidating, violent and indicative of unstable behavior. You don't have to be with this person who cheated on you. Walk away. Move on. You may call them some bad names or leave an insulting message on their voicemail but destroying their car is in ANOTHER LEAGUE and its CRIMINAL behavior. It is NOT OK. It is CRAZY. It means you have serious emotional problems, you don't know where the line is on revenge and you probably need some therapy. NOW.
To make this story even more comical is the fact that the woman who sings it, Carrie Underwood, is in love, and happily married to NHL hockey star Mike Fisher. Further, she admits that she's crazy about him and becomes a "sentimental weenie" around him.
["He loves it here, and I love having him here," the former Idol champ added, admitting that life as a wife has softened her up considerably. "I've never been one for mushy songs. I just don't do mush. I can do mad. I can do sassy," she explained. But with her guy? "The more I was around him...I'm becoming a sentimental weenie!"]
NHL hockey stars, like other athletes, have been suspected of extra marital affairs. Traveling 6 months a year doesn't help. So Carrie, are you worried your hubby will cheat? Guess not. She's too busy being in love. And it seems she has faith in marriage. But don't follow what she does... Please. Listen to her songs. Especially the ones that tells you to expect "him" to cheat and retaliate by going loco and destroying his car. Women drive down the road singing that song at the top of their lungs. I've even spoken with plenty of women in bars who HAVE BOYFRIENDS or are seeing someone. When I dig a little, it seems they are trying to "upgrade," or else they tell me they are "half seeing someone," "thinking of leaving him" or are "convinced he's cheating, or will soon because their sex life is really bad right now." Is this song the cause of all that? No. But it sure doesn't help. Its like the theme song to these women's lives. It preys on women's insecurities and inflames them.
Singing "angry, girl-power" type songs makes you money. It just doesn't make you happy. Loving someone who loves you back does. But it seems Mrs. Underwood has decided to let that be her little secret. She doesn't sing about her darling husband whom she plainly adores. I find it to be a bit horrifying. Do you think women don't listen to that song and get ideas about men... or about THEIR man!?!?!? Read through the comments section and tell me it has no effect.
Before He Cheats lyrics
Songwriters: Tompkins, Chris; Kear, Josh;
Right now he's probably slow dancing
With a bleached-blond tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now, he's probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey
Right now, he's probably up behind her
With a pool stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo
And he don't know
I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Right now, she's probably up singing some
White-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now, she's probably saying, "I'm drunk"
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky
Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/carrie-underwood-lyrics/before-he-cheats-lyrics.html ]
Oh and he don't know
That I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
Oh, you know it won't be on me!
No, not on me
'Cause I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, maybe next time he'll think before he cheats
Oh, before he cheats
And if you think girls and women don't take simple little radio tunes seriously....
From the Comments section:
COMMENTS (recent 15 of 199 total comments)
jessica T. 06/08/11,09:26
i love this song it is awsome and carrie is such a great role model and a good influence and is down to earth and that anything is possible if you follow your dreams i love her
lol Just wanted 2 see what the hell the lyrics were didnt hear them too clear !
This song is stuck in my head after Carrie and Lauren sang it on the Idol season 10 finals... Love it though!
Raul ibanez 06/05/11,07:14
Awesome song! I'm gonna watch her concert live for the like 1,000000000 time! It's so good! Yayay baby
man i love this song especially since my last bf cheated on me wit 2 girls ha stupid and im bout to take it out on him XD
Carrie Underwood 05/30/11,20:40
I love this song like I love my life.
OMG i love this song i have had many boyfriends that were all buttheads
OMG I love this song! My friend and I are performing it for open mic and I'm Soo excited!!
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
From the Boston Globe:
I'm an avid reader. I frequent the comments under an alias and often submit entries for your various contests (and have won!). I've not yet written in about my own search for love ... until now.
The facts: 27-year-old single female, active lifestyle. I am resilient, extremely caring (admittedly sometimes to a fault), thoughtful, very happy, and energetic. My friends often come to me for advice. Many times a bridesmaid.
Relationship background: 7-year, off-and-on roller-coaster relationship (now very close friends and only friends, finally, thank god), some fun flings, one 5-month relationship -- 9 men in total. Some of my friends describe me as a hopeless romantic with the mind of a teenage boy. I absolutely love the sweet stuff/affection yet I'm slightly driven by that other part of my brain.
Honey, you sound like slut. Is this unfair, as men behaving as you are would not be chided for their behavior? Absolutely. So what. Get over it. Men are men, women are women. We are different. We expect and want different things. Let me let you in on a little secret; men don't want anything serious with a girl who sleeps around. What if you don't stop sleeping around? I'll tell you what: we have to wonder if those kids you tell us are ours, really are. Yeah, that's a feeling we're just dying to have. Don't sleep around. Period. If we know that you do, or even suspect that you do, we're done with you. First step to convincing us? DON'T SLEEP WITH US OR TRY TO BEFORE DATE #9. Yeah, date 9. You read that right. THREE MONTHS at least. Maybe more. Girls are girls, but our wife? She will be special. And let's face it, you ain't special to hardly anyone.I decided at New Year's that I needed to expand my dating pool and not get so attached so quickly -- and NOT think with my "teenage boy" instincts.
You are a girl, dear. Not a boy. Understand? Want a boy to cry on your shoulder and try to snuggle with you during a sappy movie? Probably not. I have no doubt you'd rather he were a man, not a girl. Even when women "complain" about men not being women, I've yet to see a girl who didn't try to sleep with the captain of the football team - you know, the sweaty, healthy, hairy, strapping jock; basically the manliest man around. Women go for men. The Marlboro man usually. Men? They go for women. If you're acting like a teenage boy, expect to get a teenage girl, or else a guy who will treat you like a sexual conquest and then ditch you. Honestly, that's all men think a girl with instincts like a "teenage boy" are good for.After reading your advice to so many people about relaxing a bit and not paying attention to the big push around your late 20s and 30s to find THE ONE, I decided I'd be patient and date and see what happens. And so began the numbering system. I decided to keep all the guys I dated numbered in my phone to remind myself this is just #4, there will be a #5 and #6 and so on. I tried to take on a more masculine approach to dating. If I kept them numbered, I'd stay detached and learn from them and just have fun. Little notches rather than huge pieces taken from my heart.
You have a healthy libido? Few inhibitions with sex? GREAT! Save them for your husband! Can't get a husband? Then I guess your libido will have nearly nowhere to go. The solution? Get serious about finding a husband! Go to therapy, get married arranged, I don't know. But sleeping around is NOT YOUR ANSWER!
Its fine to date around, but Jesus honey, it sounds like you're just desperate for attention and physical affection. Slow the Hell down and stop sleeping with everyone. Do you even like these people? Or are you just happy to be pleased? Give it up already. Find just someone you like and play it slow; be honest and direct. Good God, you have the morals of an alley cat. Ever think that doesn't really help you in finding someone "special!?!?!?!?"My friends found it hilarious. I went from the overzealous hopeless romantic to, well, the "dude" in the relationships.
What? You were already the dude. What do you call sleeping with everyone? Now you're going to "play the field?" What does that mean? Be cold and distant and play games? Haven't you been playing games this whole time? Do you think changing the game will fix anything?
I called the shots. I was disappointed when things didn't move forward physically rather than emotionally.
You are NOT THE MAN here. You think you're doing something great by using the guy physically INSTEAD of emotionally? Oh yeah, great work! Oh, touchdown, sweetie. Now the guys get used physically (and you get turned into a veritable roulette wheel for disease), you become a wall of ice and stone, emotionally and everyone lives happily ever after, eh?I sometimes dated four of them at a time (to be clear, I was never physical with more than one at a time and I was always safe)
Another great achievement. You mean you only screwed, or made out with one at a time? What a nun you are, honey. And foreign men think American women are fast and easy. Gee, WHERE EVER DID THEY GET THAT IDEA!?!?!? But so long as he's got a condom on, you can rest with a clear conscious, eh? Oh my holy God. Is your bedpost full of notches?and I stayed levelheaded and really learned a little more about what I was looking for from each one ... until stupid #9.
So you screwed one at a time (or made out) until you hit nearly TEN MEN?!?!?! If the first 8 were just practice to figure out who you were, fine - but why do you have to get physical with them all!??!?! What does that do for you in the grande scheme of things (other than indicate you are quick and easy)!?!?!?I didn't number him in my phone because he seemed completely my counterpart. Literally zero red flags. He is extremely social, outgoing, active, loyal, caring, genuine, and incredibly sweet, so I didn't run in the other direction. And after a week (yep, one week), I was slipping out of my detached dating scheme and into the "Oh man, I'm a goner" phase. We texted all day, every day (again, for a week). I found it completely impossible to keep my hands off of him. He came back to my house after our dates and while the grilled cheese and playtime was fun and irresistible, I did resist (barely) sleeping with him.
Wow, didn't sleep with one, for a change? Let's throw a goddamn parade in your honor sweetie. Holy cow. High five! Well done! Ahem, does he know how special he is to be one of the VERY FEW people you HAVEN'T SCREWED after a few dates? Because let me tell you, that would REALLY crank up his respect and admiration for you. I mean, what guy isn't dying to sleep with a girl who is a real sex "pro," right!?!?
By the way, if you "barely" kept from sleeping with him, then I'm guessing you had, ahem, ORAL sex - that is the same thing as real sex to men, in case you're wondering. And again, right or wrong (does it matter?), he will lose his respect for you at that point. Its not a conscious decision, its just the instinct that the girl you're with is too quick to volunteer to get naked with you. And its a red flag to men's instincts, even if they do really like you. We're supposed to pursue and you are supposed to say, "Things are great, BUT, I have to know if you really want this to last - do you?" Men will stiffen and mumble and know they have more work to do. So for all your "hard work," you blew it (pun not intended).
Friday, I met up with him and his friends (I brought a friend so I had back up as well) and things seemed to be going great. And then he disappeared. No goodbye, no "gotta jet," no anything. His friends mentioned he does this sometimes. They all stayed and we all continued to hang out but I was completely baffled. Of course, no response to texts and calls. Two days and still nothing. The typical "He wasn't that into you" seems the obvious answer. But I guess my real question is ... how can I prevent this? One week? One week and I was in tears over a guy? I feel completely pathetic and also resentful because he broke me ... again.
You're just too easy, honey. Sorry, but that's it. Listen to yourself. One week? You were all over this guy, physically, after one week? Wow, great discipline. One week is nothing. You barely knew eachother. Listen to yourself. This man doesn't really know you yet and vice versa. You hit it off. Good for you. So what. I've hit it off plenty of times. You still don't know squat about one another. His ex's, his emotional health, his life, his parents - what about that stuff? When you're so bubbly and friendly and REALLY forward with everyone? It sends out the signal that you're easy - and look, you are. Be friendly, that's fine. But have a bit of reserve about you. He figured he got all he was going to get for the most part and moved on; he's probably quite damaged - JUST LIKE YOU - so he got what he came for and shoved off; its not like you're some precious, priceless gift now, is it? You're pants are off after a week. This is just pure sport for him at that point. Its just LUST in the near term - for both of you - quit pretending its anything but.I understand the dating rules, that it's all about trial and error and someone is bound to be a little more disappointed than the other when things don’t work out. I know all this -- yet this one seemed to be just as much a kick in the stomach as the end of the 7-yr relationship ...
You don't really know what his intentions are until lots of time passes - lots meaning 6 months. Guys don't chase girls for 6 months just to sleep with them. Not unless the guy is a real hard-nosed player, I guess. Its just too much damn work unless you really like the girl. What did you wait with this guy? 1 week? Probably not even that.
– Lola Wants More, Boston
You understand the dating rules? Are you kidding? Then why are you still single? Let me help you: because you don't have the first clue to what the "dating rules" are. Not even close. On a 35 question quiz you would get one question right: that you have to show up. This guy may have been a player - after all, you weren't really going to stop him, were you? Sounds like you two had gotten very "close" to full blown sex for a while. Don't you get it? He was encouraged to keep trying as he was almost "there." Just keeping from the act of penetration isn't much of a victory honey. Kissing ONLY. For a while. Then a minor upgrade. Then cool it. Jesus, are you looking for a husband, or not?!?!?The love doctor's response (barely skims the surface of the problems this girl has):
You've read this column for a long time, right? So you probably know what I'm going to say about dating. Yes, LWM, it can be awful. And yes, it's high risk. But you have to do it. And you can't manipulate it. You can number these guys, assign them nicknames -- whatever you want to do to make them seem less human -- but as soon as you meet one you actually like, your silly rules and games will go out the window.
My advice is to mourn this one, but not for too long. In the end, it was just one week. You listed this guy's qualities -- but there's no way he could have proven himself to be all of those things after just seven days. You were projecting those attributes because you wanted No. 9 to be THE ONE.
As you look for No. 10, don't try to be a "dude." Because "dudes" are just like girls. Really. They can number women (or men) and date 15 of them at a time, but as soon as they meet their own version of No. 9, they go soft. They wait around for a call back. They cry if they lose someone they liked after a week.
Don't gender your dating experiences. Don't listen to one part of your brain and ignore the other. Let yourself cry. Embrace your interest in the emotional and the physical. Try not to make assumptions about a guy's character until he proves that he can be consistent. Remember that these awful experiences make the good stuff that much better.
And now I'm going to say what I always say to 27-year-olds who are sick of dating and scared of getting hurt. Let's say it together, shall we? Relaxxxxx. Keep on truckin'.
Readers? Why was No. 9 so significant? Can she protect herself by numbering her relationships? Can she speed up the mourning process? How can she avoid becoming miserable with the dating process? Is this what the movie "I Am Number 4" was about? Discuss.
That is, WHEN POLICE ARREST SOMEONE FOR A CRIME THEY HAVE NOT COMMITTED.
Police Officers are paid BY THE TAXPAYERS to enforce the law and ONLY enforce the law; beyond local law, the Constitution IS THE ULTIMATE TREATISE BY WHICH THIS COUNTRY IS GOVERNED. ALL UNCONSTITUTIONAL LAWS ARE NOT ENFORCED AND ARE STRUCK DOWN BY THE COURT SYSTEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Police intimidating public citizens for their own purposes IS NOT WHAT THEY ARE PAID TO DO. Cops doing just that, MUST BE DISMISSED IMMEDIATELY and WITH PREJUDICE.
IF POLICE AND/OR THE STATE CANNOT BE SUED OR ELSE RECEIVE SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT OR DISINCENTIVE FOR FALSELY ARRESTING PEOPLE, THEN THEY WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT.
THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY. OFFICERS ARE TRAINED TO KNOW THE LAW. IF POLICE OFFICERS ARREST PEOPLE FOR CRIMES THAT ARE DEMONSTRABLY AND CLEARLY FALSE ON THEIR FACE, THOSE COPS SHOULD BE FIRED. WHEN YOU FAIL AT YOUR JOB, AND THAT JOB REGARDS THE FREEDOM OF CITIZENS, YOU ARE FIRED. PERIOD. ANYTHING LESS CREATES COPS THAT ARE FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES, THUGS; above the law, and unafraid of BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
But my sister wanted the attention. So she would wear tight dresses sometimes. My mother would yell at her, of course. I knew what my sister was thinking: I'll get plenty of attention wearing this. My mother was thinking, yeah, and all that attention is bad. My sister was thinking, well, I'll weed the good attention from the bad.
But that's where she was wrong. NONE of the attention was good. It winds up being for sexual purposes. Sexual purposes from hormonal boys. Boys who have pretty much nothing in common with girls. Sorry, but this can't result in anything good. Even boys with good intentions aren't yet emotionally or psychologically developed enough to really understand who they are, what they're doing, or what they truly want.
My mother knew this. My sister did not. So they fought. My sister rather won out in the end, but it was one of those "Even when you win, you really lose" type of victories.
She didn't get pregnant or raped or anything of the sort. And if you knew the shrew my sister can be, you'd know why. That said, I'm sure she had a few regrets and I know she got involved with one guy, who had good intentions, and yet she was very badly hurt by it, as was he. This poor guy was trying to do right by her, but just didn't understand how. And he didn't understand what she wanted, what she was really after, or anything of the sort. He was a young man, more of a man than the rest, but still a boy. Jesus Christ. What the Hell could he know? Nothing, of course. And of course, he had the emotional IQ the rest of the boys had; probably around 30. More than my own certainly, but really quite low overall.
Men are simple creatures. Women are not. Young men and young women have little long-term chances of a stable union with eachother until they grow up a bit and acquire some maturity. This used to happen by 18 or 19. Now I doubt it happens until we are 25. Women mature MUCH faster than men. I'm sure its closer to 20 or 21 for girls. Maybe a bit older. Kids in high school have no business being sexually active. They're simply not prepared. And they're not instructed well either. They may dress and talk like adults, but they don't act like them, and they sure as Hell don't have the responsibility of them.
In my parents day, you got the "old handshake" at the door when you hit 18. You grew up pretty goddamn fast after that. I'm sure. My gramps left home at 15. He grew up even faster. Kids today leave home at 18 for college, but from what I hear and from what I've seen at college, college has become nothing more than an extension of home. Especially for the girls (boys are supposed to 'man up' and take care of... things, you know). Everyone seems so afraid for the girls. They treat them like children. Making excuses for them, spoiling them, and generally trying to protect them. This makes nothing more than a stupendous disaster in the end as women throw off responsibility and then start making risky decisions.
The term 'drunk college girls' was an exciting lie two, three decades ago. Now its a Google search result with 11.5 million hits. The first 5 dozen or so hits you need to be at least 18 years old to view. But it may be more than that.
There is no illegitimacy attached to 'slutty' behavior anymore. Being wild and flirtatious is like some kind of rite of passage for young women. They're emotional health or even their long term sexual health is not considered. They're treated like men, or at least they are by the wrong people. Men sure as Hell don't consider them to be men. Men know goddamn well what they are: different creatures; creatures with breasts and a vagina that have multiple orgasms, that have sensitive feelings, wear thong underwear and have babies. Men may relax more around women and tell them more than they once did, but at the end of the day sex will always be the primary motivation for men when it comes to women. If women actually knew this and cared about, or were taught to care about, themselves and what is in their own best interests, you would see a lot fewer girls in tight skirts at school. And you would see a lot fewer of them on the internet or in court, suing someone for making a video of what they did on spring vacation.
But women are not told these things, so they misbehave. They build bad reputations and they wind up unhappy and used. This will continue I'm afraid. It will continue until it gets so bad, we simply have a kind of social reset. Its coming. It always does - look back through history. When man becomes rich, spoiled, and self-gratified, he gets careless and sloppy. Women are no different. And the lesson is no different; careless and sloppy gets a lot of children out of wedlock, the breakdown of the nuclear family and mass unhappiness, frustration, anger, depression, poverty and ultimately societal breakdown.
I don't know when things will change, but I know we can't keep going as we have been. Change will come. And when it does, it will be long, long overdue.