Sadly they can be summarized. And I'll do just that.
They are a collection of immaturity. Nothing more. There is no deep, winding soul-twisting angst. Just immaturity, irresponsibility, angst and fear. Perhaps every deep love problem only boil down to that also. I don't know.
Many of the letters are from women, of course. Most are from women who have found a man they met when they were young (and stupid). Fair enough. But too many boil down to the same thing over and over again. She's playing the man. He's playing the woman. She makes more money than he does, or else, all the money. He is unemployed. She claims he's depressed, not ambitious enough or else needs to get some better education. She basically supports him to some extent. This creates massive havoc for the same reason it always does. Every boy and girl since time began have one ultimate goal: the family. How will the family be structured? The easiest and most convenient way seems to work the best. Its just something time has shaken out for us.
She will have the baby because she is the woman. Then the baby needs milk and breastfeeding is best for the baby, so she must do that. Pretty tough to have a baby nursing on you while you're at work. And what if there is another baby? And who is going to cook for the family? And what about regular house duties? "Home" is no longer a place to hang your hat. Its a job in itself. Parents and grandparents went through this for DECADES. But when they tried to tell the kids "Look, this is what will happen; you'll meet, fall in love (or lust), a baby comes, there are bills, duties, you need food, money, you'll have RESPONSIBILITIES. You need to consider what role YOU will play.
The kids shrugged. "Everyone will do everything" they said.
"Men and women are the same."
"We will both work."
"We will communicate on every thing."
"We will cooperate."
"We will be one."
Sure you will. Women secretly winced when they heard "we will both work" and men secretly winced when they heard "we will communicate on everything."
Women don't want the burden of rearing kids AND working. Why not just marry an alpha male who makes a lot? I don't blame them.
Men don't want the burden of calling home 5 times a day when they're trying to kick ass at work. Men know women and men communicate much differently to boot. I don't blame them.
But we "rolled" with the new "plan" anyway. It blew up in our faces. It worked for some, sure. Kind of. She works part time and he works full time and he chips in a bit more, but not much changed for those people.
The letters on Boston.com are for couples who thought they could pull a role-reversal. Down in flames they went. The man feels like an inept pussy and the girl feels like the lifestyle-supporting man, not the romanced-by-Mr.Big woman.
Not. Going. To. Work.
They both resent the other and eventually someone breaks up with the other. Go figure. Grandparents must be rolling over in their graves.
Other letters are the "Friends, Sort Of" kind. A guy and a girl, friends. One of them dumb enough to think they will be friends forever. Usually the guy. Girls are programmed to hunt for alphas. So if a guy just wants to be "chummy" with her, she thinks "he's a low-testosterone, half-girl" and secretly pities him a bit. He has absolutely no idea what she's thinking. Its a fact that men typically fantasize about sex with female friends. This essentially means that some of these guys don't have the balls to make a play for their attractive female friend. Or else they're scared to have no female attention so they try to ignore the fact that the relationship will eventually boil down to sexual relationship or else nothing (unless she is unattractive). If he gets a girlfriend, that girlfriend is going to wonder about this female friend who he keeps close and trusts so much. And he may very well have to chose one over the other. If she gets a boyfriend he'll feel like the half-woman she considers him to be - good enough to confide in, but she's screwing someone else. If he doesn't find her to be attractive, he won't care and they actually will be friends. But this is pretty rare.
I have two female friends - one an ex-roommate who is just a real stand-up, moral girl that isn't my type physically speaking, and the other an old college friend who is funny, insane, and also not my type, physically speaking. One is married, one is not (and the married one, I do "couples" things with). Only one do I speak to regularly and when she gets married, I expect that will stop.
They are my two "exceptions."
For young guys.... give me a break. There are no exceptions. Or only those that are quite rare - that is, clever, crazy and not your type, physically speaking. Otherwise, the girl is wondering when you're going to start acting like a man and not an anxiety-filled little girl. Sorry, but that's more or less correct. Why? Women are programmed to attract hairy, testosterone-filled, dinner-killing alpha males. If that's what you were, she would not care to be your "friend." She would be coyly waving her barely-covered ass toward you and giving you glances. And if you rejected her, her come back would not be "let's be friends."
Young girls collect male friends like handsome quarterbacks collect notches on their bedpost. It makes the girl feel romantically "wealthy" to have all that male attention. But they seldom (unless they are sad, desperate or drunk) sleep with any of those male friends. They go for alpha males instead.
Once upon a time, most men would resemble alpha males, or something like it. But like condors, every year there are fewer and fewer of them. Now you have love letters complaining of men's lack of achievement, drive, ambition, earnings, etc... You would've never heard of such complaints 50 years ago. Isn't feminism WONDERFUL ladies!
Listen to this kid:
" About three months ago I told a friend of mine that I had feelings for her. What I didn't know -- and neither did our other friends -- was that she had been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks before I told her. She told me right after I told her how I felt. Obviously, if I had known, I wouldn't have said anything. I told her that I wanted to remain friends and she said she did too."
We went without talking for three months and then I contacted her.
So, I now have a friend again and I'll be trying to get us back to where we were before all of this. However, I still have feelings for her and if she became single today, I'd want to ask her out after an appropriate time period passed.
So, to my question. Is it OK that I'm now in a position to go back to being friends even though I still have feelings for her? I'd never interfere, interject, etc. in her current relationship and I'm obviously not going to broadcast that I still have feelings for her. I guess I need some advice on how to handle this situation."
He was friends with a girl his instincts told him to go after. But he didn't go after her. Now she has a real man and he suddenly wants her? The girl is thinking to herself: He either has no guts, doesn't think he himself is too great of a catch, and/or just wants me because I'm with someone else." All red flags. She doesn't even want to be friends with him. Why?
Because she has no respect for him.
Its like the sweet girl you know, men, who is extremely plain. When you see her, are you thinking SEX? Nope. You're thinking "friend." Or your thinking nothing. The sexy girl with the curves, who may even be a bit stuck up? Yeah, you're thinking SEX. Its sad, but true. We're all animals.
After maturing a bit and being with someone for a while, your values will change a bit and your decision will be affected by it. But for young men and women? This is the way it is.
The women are disappointed and the men depressed and sexless.
I'm so glad we took the last 30 years to make all this "progress."